Solo Mum Mel: How to accept having a baby without a partner
Most women believe they will meet a partner and then when the time is right, start trying to make a baby the natural way. Mel Johnson is a Solo Mum to a donor child and she does coaching courses for Solo Mums. 95% of her clients have shared with her that solo motherhood was not their first option. They chose this route because they were unable to find a partner, and did not want to miss the chance to become a mother. In this guest blog post, Mel shares her tips on how to accept having a baby without a partner.
Take pride in the decision to become a Solo Mum
Although it might not have initially been most women’s preferred option, once they have worked through their feelings, it is possible to take great pride in the decision and feel extremely empowered about it.
You might find yourself in this situation, trying to accept you won’t be having a baby in the way you had originally imagined. Rather than being in a supportive partnership, instead you are on your own. You might need to go through a process of grieving for any loss you feel. To help you through the process, I have gathered my 6 best tips.
6 tips on how to accept having a baby without a partner
1. Acknowledge the feeling
Firstly, it can help to accept the feeling of loss you might feel. Allow yourself to grieve for the absence of the dream of how you saw your life playing out. It is totally normal to feel a loss over a desire that you realise will no longer be realised. Many women feel a sense of relief just acknowledging that they do feel a loss.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to get over the loss you might feel. Instead, it means that you are able to come to terms with the situation and your feelings about it. It can bring a further sense of relief if you are able to accept this as your reality and start to embrace it.
It is important to remember, acceptance does not need to be seen as a single point in time but as a journey. Something that can be worked towards and practised over time. It gets easier the more you practise until you get to the point where you fully own your decision.
3. Drop comparison
Comparing yourself with others is rarely beneficial. Often we are surrounded by friends and family who are married with children. It’s very rare for anyone to be in the perfect scenario, even in a partnership. Everyone has their own challenges. When you stop comparing yourself and your situation to others and fully focus on you, life can become much easier. Try to stop worrying about what others will think and focus on making the best of your own situation.
4. Rewrite your happily ever after
Once you are able to let go of your original idea of what happily ever after looks like, you can start getting excited about your new ending. Rewrite your fairy tale. It might not be what you imagined but it doesn’t have to be negative. This is your path. Embrace it. It’s not better or worse, just different.
5. Take back control
Dating when you want to have a baby can be tough. You often feel like you are totally out of control. For many, this is a very uncomfortable feeling.
Once you have made a final decision to proceed on your own, it can feel like you are taking back control. This can make you feel very empowered.
6. Find your tribe
Take comfort in the fact that you are not the only person in this situation. At times it might feel that way. The reality is there are many other women worldwide starting the journey to solo motherhood. Many of whom will have experienced very similar emotions to yourself. Connecting with them can be so beneficial. It feels great to find a group of women who really ‘get it’.
There is a huge online community as well as some local groups where you can benefit from face to face meetups. Finding these women and sharing experiences can act as a huge support.
Mel Johnson is the founder of The Stork and I, a support group for single women considering solo motherhood using donor sperm. She offers 1:2:1 coaching and courses for Solo Mums. You can join her Solo Mum support group on Facebook and follow her Instagram profile where she documents the day in the life of a Solo Mum.